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WORKING TOGETHER TO UNLOCK THE SECRETS OF ADOPTION

I was born on Oct. 23, 1961 at St. Lukes Hospital in Jacksonville.  On the 3rd day after my birth my adoptive parents received the call they had been waiting for.  The family physician, who facilitated the adoption called and said "get your attorney and meet us at St. Lukes to pick up your baby."  They were wonderful parents.  They had already been married 11 years and so wanted to have children.  I grew up always knowing that I was adopted.  I think I was probably 3 when they first started discussing it with me.  Later that year my parents gave birth to my sister, something that was "physically improbable."    I always felt wanted and loved.  I still do. My parents never showed any difference in their love for us.  If anything they overcompensated for my being adopted.  My sister and I were loved, spoiled, and adored.  I never had any trouble fitting in, in fact most people wouldn't believe I was adopted, as I resemble both parents and my sister. I am however very different in my attitudes, likes & dislikes, talents, etc...

 I remember at about age 10 starting to wonder why my biological mother had given me up.  I always just assumed that she was very young, I was her first child and she just wanted something better for me.  Later I would find this assumption to be totally incorrect.  I never had any desire to search for my birth family until one day in 1991 when I was 30 years old, my adopted mother approached me and said that she thought I should give serious consideration to searching, as the adoption caseworker had told my parents that I had 3 older siblings.  What a shock!! I immediately felt a desire to find them and to know if they might be brothers. (The only thing I ever felt I missed out on growing up)  My mother helped me search.  She went to her safe deposit box and retrieved all the papers she had relevant to my adoption.  Low and behold, one of them contained the birth mothers last name.  I was supposed to have been blacked out but was  omitted in error.  It only took 3 phone calls and about an hour to locate her.  She was shocked to say the least.  Her other 4 children (3 older/1 younger) knew nothing about me and they were all very close.  She would have to tell them and get back with me.  She promised to call within 3 days.  She did call and tearfully announced that everyone was very excited and wanted to meet me.  Several weeks later I drove to Jacksonville,  to meet them.

The meeting was terrific and one sibling was in fact a brother.  We bonded instantly and have stayed in close touch ever since.  I have since married and had a daughter.  My brother and his wife came to Alabama to see us in the hospital when she was born.. I have had a friendly yet somewhat distant relationship with my birthmother.  I guess in part it is because although she very much wants us to be a part of her life, she is unwilling to share the name of my birth father with me.  She says she promised that she would never tell.  So you see, even though many pieces of my life puzzle have been found there are still a couple of very important ones missing.

The other important piece is the daughter that I gave birth to on June 21, 1982 at Bayfront Medical Center in St. Petersburg.  She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. 8 lb.. 1/2 oz 23 " long.  Auburn hair and just perfect.  She was born by c-section so we stayed together in the hospital for 7 days.  But we did not leave together.  I was unwed and unemployed with no way to provide for her all physical comforts of life.  I loved her from the moment I knew she existed.  I still love her, and long for the day I can hold her in my arms and tell her again.  I have beautiful pictures of us together when she was 9 days old, but my heart aches to see what she has become.  To know that she is alive and well and happy.  To be able to sit down with her and help her complete the missing pieces in her life puzzle.  For her to know that she has a wonderful 4 year old stepsister and for her to know that I will always be here for her when ever she is ready or feels the desire to find me.  I hope that I have made it easy by registering with the agency and all of the registries. 

I have an adopted child too.  A stepson.  He is not legally adopted but in my heart I have adopted him as my own.  You see I am not just one member of the triad, I am all three. I feel that I understand adoption in a way that most never will.  From every possible position.  The adoptee, the birth mother, and the adoptive mother, I am all three.

 If I can be of help to anyone else out there who is searching, I offer my support and love.

 Cindy