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WORKING TOGETHER TO UNLOCK THE SECRETS OF ADOPTION

I am 52 years old and I am denied basic human rights. After 9 months in my mothers belly I was born and taken away by my new parents to start my life as their child. They did not adopt me for my sake or because they were filled with charity. They adopted me because of their needs and desires.  They could not have children and they wanted a child .I fulfilled their needs. 

I was too young to be asked what my needs and I was made to feel all my life, by their family and friends, as if my needs were not important. How many times have I heard "You're so lucky that your parents chose you. They could have picked someone else."  I do have an answer for that. Yes, they did pick me but, unlike a ripe apple, they could not look at me when I was an hour old and see if I had bad spots so, everyone looked for them year after year. 

I was lucky because I did go to decent, good people. The best, and we were close and we loved each other. It is not their fault that I was always different. It is not their fault they did not know how to deal with that difference. There is no one in their family that I look like and my mannerisms are inherently different. 

When trying to find where you come from the first thing you do is request non identifying information.  That says it all for adoptees are non identified. We exist in history only from the day we are adopted. While you are sitting with your families at holidays talking over days with Grandmas and Grandpas past, I am sitting, listening, wondering where my family came from. What were their struggles and their Joys. 

Family members from both of my adoptive parents have studied and written a family history book. I can tell you that my adoptive dad's (hereafter referred to as Dad) G.G.G.G.Great grandfather fought under George Washington. I can tell you that my adoptive mom's (Hereafter referred to as Mom)  G.G.G.G.G. Grandfather was the 12th Earl of Stanley from England and that the castle is still there with the 17th Earl in place. I can not tell you a thing about my history except for what I have made in my life.

Oh, the families and the way they treated me: Nice things said like "Your Mom and Dad wanted you and because they think of you as theirs we do also." If they did then why did they have to qualify it by saying so? Everything I have done and still do is put under a microscope by them, watching because they know their kids but I am an unknown, and who really knows what type of person my natural mother was. 

There are two sets of judgments. One for their kids and one for me. For their kids everything has a good reason like sowing their wild oats but, for me, doing the exact same things they were, it was "She is wild and she should appreciate that she was chosen and never do anything wrong." "But then after all she is not one of us after all."

My Dads sister told me after Dad died " You should not get a thing" . "You are not blood kin." Even Dad socked it to me a couple of times. He found out I had kissed a boy, thought it might be more and told me "You are going to be a whore just like your real mother".  Also, when he found out that he and Mom were both dying of cancer he told me " You should never have married. You should be here so you could take care of us." 

I was 34 at the time. I never had kids of my own. It was not because I did not want kids. I did not know what I might pass on to them. Family medical history.......that's a laugh. Who knows, and Non-ID information is known to not be right. Yes, in a country that cherishes its history and is famous the world over for its fight for Civil Rights, we adoptees are denied ours. In a country that praises the sanctity of motherhood we are kept from ours because they had to make the hardest choice at some point in their life. 

The misconception is that mothers who lose their children to adoption don't care, don't mourn their loss and don't cry for them. That is bull. I was pregnant once but had cancer and lost my baby. I still mourn and cry over that loss. Most mothers do not want to give up their babies. Most of the time they have no choice or are led to think they have no choice.. 

I am in search of my natural mother and family. I think she might want to meet me. I think she should have, at the least, a chance to say whether she does or not. I have siblings out there somewhere. They might just look like me or have mannerisms like me. I think I should have the chance to find out. If I had a few hundred dollars I could hire someone to find her. There are people out there who can track her down and if they can find my mother why not just let me know who she is? 

Adoption is the biggest lie in the world. It says here is this poor child in need of a family and here are people in need of a child, put them together and life will be great for both. November 2003 during National Adoption Month a whole page in our newspaper was given to this with interviews of adopting families and their reasons for adopting. They are quoted as follows: 1."When it became time to get pregnant it just didn't happen." 2."Expensive fertility treatment is no guarantee that you will have children, whereas with adoption you can have a child."3. "We went with overseas instead of domestic because with more open adoptions here we did not want to worry about the birth parents ever wanting to see them." This is just a few quotes from that article. Nowhere was anything said about adopting because of the children's needs. 

Most of our Natural Mothers lost us to adoption because they were convinced that they were doing what was the best they could do for us. They did this because of love. People adopt because of need. Now, it is time for my needs! I need to know where and who I am from and I need to know before it is to late. I need answers and I need to meet this pretty woman I look like (I have a picture my Dad left when he passed.) Wow, I was 34 when I got a picture of someone I looked like. I look like someone!!!!