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WORKING TOGETHER TO UNLOCK THE SECRETS OF ADOPTION

I have many stories to write, as I am a 50-year-old adoptee and a birthmother from 1969/1970.

My name is Kathy and many of you know me, as I am one of the Creators and Owners of FloridaSearchAngels.  I was born in 1953 in Daytona Beach at Halifax Hospital.  My adoption was final 5 months later in Volusia County (Daytona Beach).  I was the third child and only girl my adoptive parents adopted.  I have 2 older adoptive brothers and we all came from different birth families.

I grew up in a VERY strict and religious family.  My adoptive parents were almost 40 years old when I was born.  I still to this day do not understand why this is allowed to happen, as it is not fun.

 Because, I was a girl, I was not allowed to go to school activities or be a typical child or teenager.  I was sheltered and very naïve, quiet and not too smart.  Of course, my adoptive mother did not discuss anything with me, as you do not speak of life activities.

My adoptive father was a pharmacist who traveled and was never home.  Sounds like I kind of do what he did in an odd sort of way.  I travel all over Florida but my children are adults.

I often wonder why my adoptive mother adopted us and I cannot think of a reason other than status (for show, appearances).  She sure did not ever hold us like I did mine.  Never was she there for a comforting word.  I just do not understand the rules of adoption.  My adoptive father on the other hand was a very outgoing and fun loving person.  This is not just the way his daughter (me) is speaking this is a general opinion from my adoptive brothers too.  Yes, I was daddy’s baby girl but he also was there for us when he was home and spoiled us all.  Mom (my adoptive mother) had an angry, sad look on the face all the time.  She frowned all the time.

I was told my entire life that it was WRONG to search.  I was always asked, OK, when and if you find anything then what are you doing to do.  Like we know the outcome of that question.  I would poke my nose in here and there and begin my search and was always stopped with GUILT.  I did not have a right to do this.  How in the world can you do this to your parents (adoptive).  After all your parents (adoptive) have done for you this is how you repay them.  I have heard all the Crap.  Yes, Crap, this is what it is, CRAP.

I took care of my adoptive father who died of cancer in 1993.  I, then took my adoptive mother home with me as she had Alzheimers, and she died in 1998.  Yes, this is correct, we did not get along for 2 minutes but I was the daughter and it was expected, so I did it but boy did my adoptive brothers get an earful every day.  As I told them when dad (adoptive) died that I would NEVER take care of our mother (adoptive).  Never say never, as you may eat those words one day.

While I was caring for my adoptive mother, in my own desperation, I was searching the Internet, for other caregivers for Alzheimers.  I was reaching out for a shoulder to lean on and possibly be able to help someone else with things that I had learned.  I found a world of help out there and one day I typed in birth family.  WOW!!!! People are searching and finding their families but Kathy this is not the time for you.  I flagged the sites and said I would join later when I was myself and could do something for me.   Well, after my adoptive mother passed away, I did not go back to looking or searching for a while, as I needed to heal myself.  In the meantime, my youngest grand daughter had an allergic reaction and was placed in Pediatrics ICU.  Now, we have one very determined grand mother set out to find my birth family and my health information.  No one was going to stop me, NO ONE.

Many of you know my search and reunion story but I will share it with you again as I hope many more will read my story.  I am one of the Lucky ones with my reunion.  I joined many lists and groups not knowing anything except I was on a mission and was determined to succeed.

I searched and searched and followed instructions on what to do, when and where.  I requested my non-id from the state and followed every trail.  I knew I was Baby Turner but this was all I knew.  I searched every Turner in the Volusia county and surrounding area and no one knew anything.  Let me tell you about the old microfiche in Volusia from the 1950’s.  It was hand written (cursive writing) that was then microfiche.  I COULD NOT read it, no one could.  I was so frustrated.  I took Anne Velez with me on many of my trips, as I could not read it at all.  I got younger people in the viewing room and asked them to read something on there for me and they could not read it.  I did everything I could think of and got nothing.  My birth mother did not marry in Florida she married in Georgia.  My grandparents never bought property in Florida so I could not find them this way either.  My grandfather worked at a car lot (according to my non id) I chased everyone listed in City Directories to find NOTHING.  I spent many dollars driving back and forth from Jacksonville to Deland day after day trying to locate my birth family.  I hit every brick wall in the world and nothing would stop me.  I have now spent over $1000 to get NOTHING.  I hired a reputable PI to get me more information so I could continue my search.  This was on a no find no fee basis.  I got a call the next day with what I was looking for and located her shortly after that.  I am going to post my FOUND post that I put out as I think it is more emotional than I can do it now.

Hi All - Just wanted to share my news with you, FOUND,2-18-2001. We found my Birthmother, 2 brothers, 1 sister, 7 nieces and nephews, 1 Aunt and Maternal grandparents both deceased on Sunday, but confirmed on Monday, 2-19-2001 and first telephone conversation 2-19-2001.

I called the telephone number that I thought was my nephews house all day on Sunday and all calls were being forwarded to voice mail. I did not want to leave a message. Every hour on the hour I called and hung up. Eventually, at noon on Monday, someone answered the phone and it was my Birthmother, I died right then and there, her telephone was not allowing them to hear the calling party well, so I was screaming and she was saying I cannot hear you but she did get my question of, does the year 1953 mean anything to you, June 27, 1953. She said no at first and then said huh…...? She apologized and said that she was going to hang up because she had to go buy a new phone and asked for me to call back
later in the afternoon so that she could hear, then repeated 1953¦.? YES Please call me back, I am hanging up now. I did not know if this was real or if she was blowing me off. I knew it was her, it had to be. I called right back to no answer, just the forwarded call to the voicemail so I left a message for her to please go to a phone and call me collect and left my number. Nothing, so I called back around 3 in the afternoon and a little girl answered the phone I asked to speak to my Birthmother by name and she said that she did not know where she was right then. SO I asked to speak to my sister or the nephews (by name) that I knew lived there. I could hear her mother ask who she was talking to and she told here mom Kathy, my sisters response was tell her I am taking a nap and she hung up. Now, I am ready to jump in my car and go to Daytona and
knock on the door, but I did not.

Unknown by me, I shocked my birthmother and she bought a prepaid minutes cell phone yesterday after we talked and dialed my number a hundred times but hung up before completing the call. A lot of people live in a 2 bedroom home and none of them knew about me. She never did buy the phone for the house. She decided that she was going to tell everyone first. So, She had a family meeting and had some call in to work as it was important and they all pitched in for KFC bucket (she said later that the family thought that she had called the family meeting so she could tell them she was dying or something) and she told them all about me and then she called on the cell phone while they were all there but she would not let them talk to me, she said it was her time to talk. The call came in at 9:30PM last night. We talked until she ran out of
minutes and plan to talk this morning.

I had a close relationship with her parents at an auction in Daytona. My
a-parents went to this auction all the time (like twice a week) and I hung out with the lady in the back (my maternal grandmother), the Auctioneer was my maternal grandfather who was always buying me Ice Cream and stuff. I Found out they were deceased in the 1980s. I just cannot believe it still. I was close to this couple enough to take my newborn son in there to meet them. So weird. My Birthmother said that she used to sell whatever she could to be able to come up to the door and see me. Avon, vacuum cleaners, Stanley, Amway, whatever would get her to the door to see me. She lost touch with me when we moved from Port Orange to South Daytona but her Parents did not, but she did not
know that. Before my Maternal Grandmother passed away she told her that she was able to talk and play with me until I was grown and even attended my wedding in 1971 and even had seen my son and held him.

I could write about this forever. I know this is long but it is a long
story. Our lives crossed all through they years. As I grew up we all lived within 5 miles of each other. Now, we are only 90 minutes away. They all want to get everyone together for a face-to-face ASAP. Time will tell. I asked about allergies and asthma and she said that my sister was the only one that had any allergies and that was to Penicillin. She said that Diabetes ran strong in the family; all of them including children had it. So, I asked her about my Birth father and she said that we would talk about that tomorrow and asked if I would Please call her collect in the morning and that she would tell me about him.

I will stop here and write more after the call this morning. I owe all of this to Anne Velez and just Cannot thank her enough.

I know this is LONG but I want you to know the WHOLE story.

I have searched the archives on several list that I was on then and most do not have the archives anymore.  I will add my reunion meeting with my mother ALONE when I find what I wrote then as I think it is an awesome story to share.  If anyone still has it or has archives please send this to me so that I can add the way it was then.

Now, 3 years later, I can say, my family feels as though they have always been there.  We all get together; I live there about as much as I do at home.  Genetics is very powerful.  I never knew those mannerisms and the way one walks, talks and acts were all related, especially when you never were with this person to learn these things.  It is simply a natural thing that I think GOD has marked us with so that we can find each other, because, it is the way it is supposed to be.

Needless to say, I was not a happy adoptee and will fight until I die to open records in Florida.  Adult adoptees deserve to know who they are and from where they came.  Adoptees die every day without proper medical information.  Please help all adult adoptees get their original birth certificates so we can all BELONG.

6-27-1953
Female adoptee
Daytona Beach, Florida