1999, shortly after the birth of my second child, I received a
computer as a gift from my father.
He told me he wanted me to be online, that I needed to
get into the 20th century before it was over.
LOL....he was 65 and more technologically inclined than I was at
32. So, I signed up for an internet service.
mother has always said that I've spent my whole life trying to
"work out" my feelings about being adopted.
Anytime I had to write a research paper in college (as a
psych major) or in graduate school (social work) I always
researched some aspect of adoption.
I probably became
a social worker because I am adopted.
anyway, of course the first word I ever typed into a search
engine online was "adoption" and BAM!
I was hooked.
Hooked on the internet and hooked on searching.
I quickly found the site called Children of Hope for
searching adoptees whose parents had used Helen Tanos Hope as
their adoption attorney in Florida.
I was a child of Hope.
Sounds kind of nice at first....until you read the site.
Records thrown away in a dumpster, whisperings of shady
dealings, adoptions out of Mexico, all kinds of crazy stuff.
I thought "Whoa.....I've always had my birthmother's
name, I figured if I ever wanted to look her up it wouldn't
be very hard..........."
Four and a half years later (we are now in 2004) and I
have still not found Ms. Joan McGowan.
What do I know besides her name?
She told Mrs. Hope that she was 21 when she was pregnant
She told Mrs. Hope that she was a high school graduate.
She told Mrs. Hope that her family was of Irish/Greek
Is any of this true?
I don't know.
I can't find her.
No one can find her.
The search angels have been searching for her for four
and a half years.
They find other people's birthparents.
They search marriage records, criminal records, school
records, hospital records, I don't even know all the stuff they
can do but they work miracles and they reunite families.
But somehow Ms. Joan McGowan has eluded them.
I was born in Florida I have no access to my records.
I have to rely on search angels to help me.
Because I was actually adopted in New York makes it even
They don't open court records unless you have a really
Am I dying?
Is one of my children of my children dying?
Do I want to know why I have blue eyes, attached
earlobes, an irregular menstrual cycle?
Do I want to know if I have to be concerned about cancer,
heart disease, high blood pressure and other medical maladies
regarding my children and me?
Before I had kids it didn't make much difference to me
what the future held.
I only had to worry about myself.
Now it matters.
stones have been unturned.
4 1/2 years is proof enough.
I need my adoption records to be opened.
And even that is not a guarantee that I will find
Ms. Joan McGowan.